Week 13 Christmas in my skin

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My kids and I were invited to decorate Christmas cookies at my Mom’s house, with my brother’s above, and many family members. Kids have not been to her house or around most of my family for the past several years.  Again, I was able to embrace the present with no past. It was great. My children had a good time with cousins they hadn’t visited in a month, they were able to enjoy a house full of family without worries! When it was about time to pack up and go, I got a text from my husband at home to call. I did. Ground shaking news, the rest of our children were in West Virginia with their grandparents, the house burnt down!

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Thank God every person is safe. The kids lost their 3 dogs they took from home and the grandparents lost everything! Christmas is a difficult time for them anyway, 2010 they lost their Mom to cancer. 

I told my family thank you for the visit it was good, but I must rush to see what can be done for the kids and my husband. My oldest son, Dreu went to West Virginia with my husband to see how they could help.

Praise the Lord for His refining us all to be the people we are to be! These trials have put under pressure the new person I choose to be. I am grateful to be comfortable in my new skin, and my children are flourishing under trials of life too!

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Week 12 Divided yet Comfortable

My baby brother, Sebastian, graduated from NC State yesterday, and Wednesday he was Commissioned into US Army as a 2 Lutenant. I live a couple hours away and chose his Commissioning Ceremony to attend.

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Out of my immediate family at home I was the only one to attend. My husband watched all the children including our 7 month old baby, whom I had never left until that day. I was excited and nervous to go
Nervous mainly because my family is of divided sorts. I have chosen to eliminate contact with people who are poisonous to my family, and unfortunately,  some are in my own family.

As I drove, I prayed and cleared my mind. Asking that I have no stories of how things will or might be, and to just be and embrace the time and situation. Sucess! When I arrived I was the most comfortable in my skin around my family than I believe I had ever been. It was great! Others comments, or facial expressions or opinions did not alter me and my choices! POWERFUL, AMAZING, FABULOUS!

I was able to enjoy the moment and past, was not present. I am so grateful for the time I was able to be around everyone with NO baggage on my end. It freed a space for my other little brother Ty, and his wife Julie and I to spend a wonderful day in the moment and to just be and enjoy one another’s company.

A miracle! So thankful to be learning to be me regardless…

Week 11 Sorting through

I do not have much to post today. Honestly I am in a state where this week my intention has been to sort things through. Kinda like re-prioritizing would be the best description. But being a wife, Mom and worker in business,  it has been delayed. Lol…I wish I could laugh through it all. But this week I have been put on major trial. Overall I can look myself in the glass and say I love you. And for that I am proud that in the tiny moments I made a powerful choice to be who I desire and NOT in the FLESH!

Week 10 Keep Going

This past week did not consist of traveling to another town to set up and sell our whole wheat pasta chips. My husband has diligently been working all week, late into the night, getting the website up and running! Rather it was a week of getting a grove started at home. I was able to start juicing and cooking 3 meals a day, laundry, cleaning, you know getting my house into order, again. This process seems to be a constant, keeping the home in order. Children have their own agenda of how things should run and be handled and getting us all on my agenda at times is comical and frustrating. The basics must be the foundation, which the Bible even speaks of foolishness in children’s hearts. I want them to understand everything, why this needs to be, how it is etc…it has taken me many years but God has been patient to show me, first we (even adults with Him) must obey first and then explanation will follow when our hearts have obeyed in the right place. Having a blended family, and family run businesses,  there are many situations that arise where obedience, and action are then followed by understanding…eventually for us all.

This week I was blessed yet again with operating an event in a nearby downtown with all 13 of us in our family, baby strapped to my back while we worked!

I may not be getting all this MKMMA stuff, and still feel as though I am behind, etc. but I know that there is slowly a change happening around me and within me. My life is full and busy, as everyone else, and I do not run on Monday thru Friday 9 to 5, we are in the event business, letting myself’s own experience with life or this course without the red pen, is still a challenge. Mentally I work on pulling from the knowledge I have been granted and make of it, I am a work in progress, it is taking more time to get things in place BUT I am not stagnant. The red pen isn’t as dark or in every corner, BUT when it is gone, it will be glorious!

Week 9 Always Learning

Thank God that He continues to allow me to learn. When you look around some people you see or meet you wonder many things. Then there is a realization you can not deny…that there is a stupor over people. Can it be broken? Yes! But many do not even know that there is somethung that needs to be removed or changed. So yes, I am thankful that I am granted the discernment and wisdom, to first realize something must change, and then with prayer and work, the ability to change, rebuke, repent and grow from my past, to create my future with the greatest guidance!

Week 8 PRACTICE Practice practice

It is true what they say practice makes perfect. You just do not want to be practicing and perfecting mistakes.
This week for me has been a practice of the Law of substitution and the past few weeks I have been practicing and learning to visualize. Visualization along with imagination has in the past been a struggle. Due to the sits and really practicing thinking and using brain power to visualize, has been a small yet MIGHTY breakthrough for me!

Law of substitution,  when ever things are grim that pop into my head or a situation I must deal with in life is stressful, I have been immediately, thinking of God instead of Him being a desperate end of the means. He is my infinite source! Jesus walked the earth perfect and said I would do great things as well! I hold on to that truth, especially when old peptides are wanting to be fired, because in most cases is not for the greater good. Also this has made me aware of the children’s triggers, to respond different so that their peptides are being retrained to a different stimuli (this is priceless). It is all a work in progress and it is a fabulous process I am grateful to be changing in my life!

Also we have had no television in the house playing, for the children either! They have had a harder time with it. Even though we have not been watching much television already. Their mind is working in the words. NoT at all! They do not understand why Mom is wearing a compass either and reading paper and cards and traveling everywhere with them or listening to recordings of myself. Yet they are being exposed to positive, life changing practices that they WILL see and experience the fruit! I am sure it will rub off in a glorious manner in time!

Time is another thing. We all seem to have more time. It is Fabulous!

Week 7 WARNING!!!

As I write and you read this, it is only to be brutally honest with myself NOT to gain any empathy with you! If not now maybe down the road someone may go through what I am experiencing, and they will not feel alone. Or during I may have a realization as I share.

This week has been an extreme undertaking. In our chip business we are smack dab in the middle of our busy season. Meaning when I am home it is catching up with family as we prepare product, and quickly getting my house in order for me to leave town for 4 days. Repeat this each week for the past month or better and for the next couple of months. I confess it has been an EXTREME challenge to keep up with the assignments for this class. I am determined to create a different NOW and future than I have had in the PAST. I know and acknowledge this experience is KEY in my life! During this season on Sunday’s I am able to listen partially to the class for I am at shows working and I must re watch when they replay on Tuesdays. That is 3 days of valuable time I am reading all material I can to fill in the blanks until I watch video fully. It has been a struggle for me. I have had thoughts of hopelessness, giving up and anger. To implement all things necessary for the coarse, most I can take on the road, however there is much that comes from having a familiar and steady environment to create the harmony and stability for these exercises to click and sink in. ( that during this time I am lacking)

During these transitions, I am having to drastically change my DMP and PPN’s this far in the game. Why? Because I loathe the works I have written. It resonates with me differently as I grow in this process. Yes this wonderful to have what is real and right! BUT to get it written during my current situation with being on the go, and activities in place concrete (movie poster, shapes, etc…) challenge!

Two days this week, (I kept telling myself my mental diet was fine, I am not holding negative thoughts, I am letting them go) as I was home getting things prepared and my home in order, I experienced a great pressure I was under, my attitude was snappy and nothing flowed as I wanted it to. I hadn’t felt this way in years and I hated it! (Reality for my mental diet…I was fooling myself that I was ingesting good, when I needed to admit a redo) I was very critical of myself, my children; all things that needed to be done were done with anxiousness and the atmosphere was heavy. I prayed, and still persevered and worked on everything I know to do. I pulled my big girl pants up and acknowledged that I did not want to continue with this suppression and that even though struggling, I am making myself and those around me not the best we can be. So I surrendered! I surrendered to the fact that everything is not going to be text book with myself in this coarse. I surrendered making myself wrong for not being where I “should be” in this process! Yes, it is ideal that I am flowing along and everything is falling into place where I “should be” in the master keys, BUT that is NOT where I am. It is important, that I continue to do everything, and all things as suggested and prescribed in this coarse, BUT my life is not text book conducive to it. I am diligent to complete assignments and the order of activities, however, I am “behind” where the coarse is.

I will not give up. I will not surrender to this heavy burden that is an extreme old blueprint, that I have not dealt with in years that has tried to rear it’s ugly head from many moons ago past! It did throw me for a loop this week. (Definitely put the mental diet to a test!) I know that I am on the right track, if past wants to bring me to hault, and the evil one has thrown his arrows to destroy the righteous in me. My armor of the Lord and the main one being love will be my shield and I will overcome and be the hero in my journey! So glory be to the Lord in these lessons for I will be the better and so will those I encounter! I am thankful for this journey to press in with determination and intention.

On a positive note, traveling to my next destination on Thursday, with my 6 month old and my 13 year old, we broke down, in a shady area off the highway 4 miles from my destination. This experience was a grand one. I had a clear mind, approached this situation with peace, 40 minutes later I had found someone (the Lord brought into our path) Mike. Dressed in a suit and tie gave my van a jump start, a gallon of gas and followed us to the closest gas station for our safety! Such a fabulous display of harmony and generosity. (Then hit with chaos and frustration for the next 4 hours during set up of job) again, a process to pull up my big girl pants, and surrender. Surrender to what I think should be, and learn my attitude (heart) should be in the right place, let go of expectations, and allow life to work its harmony. As soon as I did and surrendered in asking for prayer from my husband (instead of I can do it), set up for the show went smoother and there was help that appeared when I (saw there wasn’t any), when I (ego) stepped out of the way, and I was being who I desire to be and was made to be, things fell into place and I was able to receive the blessings the Lord has for me. I.e. Help carrying heavy objects with a baby in toe, or working harmoniously with my daughter instead of expectations ruining and running my thoughts and in turn my actions. Unfortunately to start over on the mental diet, but a cause for celebration to be more aware of what my mental state brings to the table!

Again, this was to be brutally honest with myself. To put as a reminder and foot note experiences as I am on this journey. Hopefully to never repeat, and to gain insight and knowledge and capture the footprints, I can leave in this world. Good or bad…the choice is mine! To many more good footprints on the souls I leave with my children and others I encounter!